


Breaking Down to Reassemble

by shinkonokokoro



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-15
Updated: 2011-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-24 04:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinkonokokoro/pseuds/shinkonokokoro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin drives, pays for everything, and generally turns Arthur's life upside-down. All on a trip across the country.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Some weeks down the literal road, Merlin asked him why he said yes to Merlin's offer. Arthur won't have an answer.

Not because he hadn't thought about it—he has. All the time. It lurked at the edges of his mind and skittered like a newborn colt across his consciousness. Sometimes when it was the most inconvenient. Usually so, in fact. But he sometimes thought he had an answer when they sit, knocking elbows under the stars while a camp fire gave them their only source of heat. But then it was gone again when Merlin rambled on at length about something Arthur had never bothered to think about. Like what Edison must have been thinking when he decided to create a light bulb? Or, what's the point of music anyway—it's great, don't get me wrong, but why do we have it? And, what if we all lived under the sea and had gills to filter the air to our lungs.

That was why it was a week later that Arthur answers, "You caught me at the absolute perfect moment, Merlin; everything was going wrong in my life. You gave me a way out." And it was the best he had.

"Must have been a pretty shit time of your life."

Arthur laughed, surprised the sound came out. "It was. Are we stopping for gas soon?" He stretched his legs out, pushing the s eat back.

"Can we afford it?"

"What do you mean?" Arthur looked at him sharply.

Merlin laughed. "Just kidding. We'll be fine. You'll tell me all about it eventually?"

Arthur shrugged. "Not much to tell. My father pressuring me to go to medical school. My grades aren't good enough, my girl friend broke up with me senior year, I realise I hate my major. My sister tells my dad she's gay. My best friend announces he's engaged to the only ex-girlfriend I even really cared about and... And I just needed to get away."

"So you just agree to come with me on my tour of the country that will last who-knows-how-long? You're crazier than I thought!" Merlin cried, flipping on his blinker as they approached a gas station.

"Hey," Arthur laughed. "You invited me."

"I know. And look what a mistake that turned out to be," the slighter man retorted, though his lips curled upwards and his eyes sparkled.

"Go get gas, idiot. Then let's find a place to park and sleep.

It was the pattern.

* * *

They finally stay in a motel when they reach Ohio. Merlin paid. Arthur sauntered after him as they make their way up the dirty stairs to number 27.

"You know," Merlin said in a distracted way as he attempted to work the key. "You probably ought to get some other clothes. You know. For variety."

Arthur blinked. He'd actually been thinking the same thing, having not had a chance to really pack anything at all when they'd left. He'd had his wallet, mobile, credit cards, and some cash. And his iPod.

"You have cash?"

"Some. Why?"

Merlin squinted at him and pushed the door open. "We'll run by a Goodwill for some stuff tomorrow."

"What?"

"You have a problem with Goodwill?"

"I've..." Arthur felt himself flush, embarrassed for the first time by his background with money. "I've never shopped at a Goodwill before."

"Well then!" Merlin grinned widely. "Let this be the experience of your life!"

Arthur sighed and shook his head, following Merlin in. "One bed?"

Merlin looked at him, dropping his bag by the foot. "Yeah. Problem?"

"I don't know what—"

"Oh relax, Arthur. I'm not after your virtue," the other said with a roll of his eyes.

"That's not—" Arthur blustered, feeling himself go red. Again.

"It was cheaper. Relax. I'll sleep on the floor if you care so much."

"I don't... I just..."  
"Used to your fancy hotels?"

"Oh lay off, you idiot." Arthur plopped himself in the seventies fabric clad chair next to the door and watched as Merlin moved around the room. "Right. So... we ordering take-out?"

"Yeah. Probably." Merlin tossed a phone book at him. "Call whatever you like. Here's some cash. I'm showering." He dropped the bills on the table and then closed himself in the bathroom.

Arthur sighed, contemplating how he never would have pictured himself in some semi-seedy motel with a guy he barely knew, ordering take-out. Flipping idly through the pages, he found a place that delivered Italian. The white noise hissing of water in the shower eased the shutting of his eyes as Arthur drowsed until the rap at the door startled him out of sleep. "Yeah, hello," he said as he opened the door.

"Arthur?"

"Yeah, that's me. Here. How much was it again?"

"20.58."

"Here. Keep the change," Arthur took the paper bags and handed the man 25, closing the door.

"Ah, food here?" Merlin poked his head out of the bathroom, hair a mass of dripping wildness that made Arthur laugh. "Stoppit. What did you get?"

"Italian. Hope you like breadsticks."

"Did you get extras? I might not leave you any..."

Arthur laughed. "You'd better. Or else I'll smother you in your sleep."

"Go shower. I'll save you some." Merlin padded out, towel around his trim waist.

Arthur shook his head and stepped into the humid bathroom to take his turn in the shower.

* * *

They stayed at the motel for three days, Merlin claiming wanting a break from driving. So they wandered around town, Merlin showing him what a Goodwill looked like and finding him new clothes. Then finally shrugged his things into the car and said they should get going. So Arthur settled into the passenger seat, letting his arm hang out the window while Merlin plugged in his beat up iPod to let the weird Indie tunes roll out of the stereo. They rolled with the hills as they crossed Ohio into Indiana. Halfway through Indiana, Merlin claimed a want for the stars overhead as he sighted a rest stop.

"What do you say? Sleep outside? Make a camp fire?" Merlin flicked his eyes at Arthur and then back at the road. "We could get some—no I'm pretty sure there are marshmallows in the back somewhere and we could eat 'em hot and gooey right off the sticks. It'd be great!"

Arthur just stared. "You're crazy, mate."

Merlin just laughed. "So that's a yes?"

"Won't it be a bit chilly?"

"Hence the fire! We're so doing this."

* * *

Merlin pulled in to a spot and took Arthur's hand, leading him into the wooded area until they couldn't be seen and the smoke wouldn't cause problems. Handing Arthur a sleeping bag, Merlin started the fire and got out the marshmallows.

The stars came out slowly, the fire at first too hot, then just right as they sat on a log dragged near in front of the flame. Marshmallows made the ends of their sticks gooey, and they laughed for a while until it was time for quiet.

When they come together, they weren't even drunk. Though that would have been easier to explain. Merlin had been sitting next to him at the fire. Got up. Pissed somewhere close enough for Arthur to hear and then came back to sit closer than before. Arthur had cracked some joke that made Merlin laugh, a little breathless. And then he'd leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Arthur's mouth. Their eyes met—had Merlin's always been so blue?

Then Arthur returned the favour. They pulled back and faced the fire before Merlin tackled him, landing Arthur on his back behind the log, kissing and kissing until they weren't.

Then they were back sitting on the log further than before, Merlin yawning until his jaw cracked.

They, of course, do not talk about it the next morning. Or for some days after that.

* * *

"—lin!"

"Wha?" He jolted awake, whacking his head on the window. "Why've we stopped?"

Arthur clicked on the light overhead. "Um."

"What's wrong?"

Arthur's gaze slid from his as he pushed the door open and got out of the car.

"Arthur?" Merlin felt fully awake now as he exited the car also. "What's wrong?"

"We um... may be out of gas."

Merlin stared stupidly.

"In fact I'm pretty sure we're out of gas," Arthur repeated, shoulders hunched.

"So you're telling me we've broken down. In the middle of nowhere," Merlin said slowly, trying to wrap his head around the idea.

"Yes," Arthur hissed angrily. "And then I couldn't find your mobile—"

"I don't have one," Merlin interrupted flatly. His fists bunched and unbunched as he looked around at the wide expanse of Illinois cornfields, lit only by the moon and stars.

Gaping, Arthur yelped unattractively, "You don't have a _mobile_?"

"It's not like I have anyone to call," he snapped. "Pay phones still exist you know, if I do need to make a call. And we call it a 'cell phone' here you stupid faux Brit!"  
" _Every_ one has a 'cell phone!'" Arthur yelled.

"Well not me! Where's yours? Huh, hot shot!"

By the pale light, Merlin could make out that Arthur was flushed even as he spun away, shoulders still unnaturally drawn. "I _lost_ it, okay! Three weeks ago. Or it was stolen. But it's gone now so it doesn't matter..."

Merlin scowled at his feet before kicking the tire. "What did you let her get so low for!"

"I thought there'd be a station up ahead! You usually take care of these things! I didn't realise—look, it was just a mistake, okay! I'm sorry! It looks like we'll be sleeping on the side of the road under the stars. It's not like we haven't done it before! I'm sorry!"

"Whatever..." Merlin sighed, dragging a hand over his face. "We may as well sleep and figure it out in the morning."

"Go ahead and take the back seat," Arthur muttered.

"It's your turn."

"Yeah, well, I screwed up, so go ahead, okay!"

"Fine, fine." Merlin tucked himself under his hoodie and bunched a pile of clothes into a pillow tossing his real pillow to Arthur who was curling himself into the passenger seat. "It'll be fine. This has happened to me before."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Good night."

"Good night, Merlin."

They were lucky, it turned out that they had a supply of snacks in the car, because a vehicle didn't pass them until around three the next day. They turned the car on battery, sparingly, Merlin insisted, because they didn't need a run-down battery as well as no gas. So they waited. Playing word games. Mad Libs that Merlin pulled out from under the back seat like magic. Hide and seek in the corn until they heard the sound of an engine and bolted back to the road with panting hearts only to realise they were wrong.

Eventually, after three days that seemed like an eternity, a car passed and the person had a cell that they could phone for a tow-truck. Once they were full up on gas, they were on their way again, cruising across Iowa towards the great planes and then the Rockies. They didn't go far before Arthur moaned about having a proper shower, so Merlin pulled over at the next motel with a laudromat and paid for a room.

"Finally," Arthur groaned. "A real bed!"

"Had enough of the moon and the stars?" Merlin drawled as he stripped to his boxers.

"Woah! Whoa, mate! What are you doing?"

"Stripping to get in the shower."

"Um. No! I'm showering first."

"Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't hear dibs!" Merlin grinned and sprinted into the bathroom to evade Arthur's mad lunge. Slamming the door, he shouted through it, "Go get a couple of pops from the vending machine. And Cheez-its!" He grinned as he heard Arthur's frustrated groan, then helped himself to the tepid, hard water. Finishing shortly, Merlin towelled his hair and then flopped on the bed while waiting for Arthur to return.

* * *

Arthur found a naked Merlin on the bed, tried very hard to avoid the skin the other man was showing, the important bits covered not-so-carefully by a towel. Muttering, he set the food down and put the change on the bedside table before taking a refreshing shower. Letting the steam out of the bathroom, he frowned at Merlin who was apparently still asleep on the bed. The only bed. Pulling his pants on, however, he edged into the little space there was and heaved a sigh. He was just drifting off when he twitched from the sudden contact at his ribs.

"You know," Merlin's drowsy voice cut through the silence. "I stopped because you were pretty?"

"What?" Arthur leaned up on his elbows. Merlin was staring up at him hungrily, eyes darkened and hooded. Arthur licked his lips. And then suddenly found himself pressed into the sheets, Merlin's tongue sweeping across the seam of his lips, hips— _naked_ hips—grinding down on his.

Arthur groaned.

Merlin slid his hands into Arthur's hair, kissing along his jaw before nipping and sucking the lobe of his ear into his mouth.

"Shit—Merlin—!"

"Ever since that first time!" Merlin gasped, sliding his hands over Arthur's biceps and chest, tweaking a nipple on the way by. "Do you..."

"Hell yes I want it!" Arthur said lowly.

Merlin nodded a bit manically, rocking his hips again to make them both groan. Then he slid down Arthur's body, pressing a filthy kiss to his navel before copying it on the head of his cock.

"Shit shit shi, Merlin!" He tangled his fingers in the other man's dark hair and bit his lip to keep from shouting.

Merlin hummed around him, offering his fingers to Arthur's mouth, who eagerly imitated Merlin's movements. Merlin moaned.

Then his fingers slid down Arthur's body between his legs and Arthur couldn't breathe. He was vaguely aware of his harsh voice streaming forth with senseless adulations, promises, and praises that didn't even make sense. But Merlin's slim fingers were working him open and he couldn't breathe.

"Come on, Arthur..." Merlin crooned when he pulled off to take a break.

"Merlin, Merlin come on! Merlin, I'm so close! I need...! I need!"

"You want me in you?"

"Shit yes!" Arthur fisted a hand in the sheets, one gripping Merlin's shoulder so hard it should have hurt. " _Mer—_ hng! Ah, shit, Merlin, god!"

Merlin groaned long and low behind his ear as he exhaled. Rolling his hips up and into Arthur.

"Yes! Yes yes yes yesyesyesyesyes," Arthur panted, arching his back into the pressure.

"I've wanted...so long... You were so gorgeous... Angry..."

"Shit, Merlin—angry? You wanted me because I looked angry?"

"No you twat," Merlin grunted, eyes screwing up even as his head sagged forward.

Capturing his lips, Arthur thrust his hips up. "Harder... Come on... _Harder_ , Merlin...!"

Merlin cried out as he thrust harder, gripping Arthur's prick and giving a long pull. Arthur bucked as Merlin hit his prostrate and Merlin's lips descended to swallow the scream ripped from Arthur.

Shuddering through the aftershocks, Arthur gripped Merlin's hips as he thrust twice more and then followed him over the edge, shuddering on top of Arthur's body. "That was..."

"Amazing? Mind-blowing? Fucking fantastic?"

"Well. Yeah, one of those works..." Arthur breathed, flopping a hand over his face.

Breathing hot against his neck, Merlin grinned. "That's what I thought."

"And you're too confident..."

"So that's to say that we're to do it again sometime soon?"

Arthur took a deep breath. "Erm. Yes. I think. After I finish with my sexuality crisis."

"Oh. Have you not done this before?" Merlin pushed himself up on his elbows, staring down at Arthur, a bit horrified.

"No. no, it's fine. It's... It's really not too shocking. Ever since you... You know. Kissed me."

"Arthur! Kissing and sex is a _huge_ difference! Why didn't you _say_ anything!"

Arthur laughed. "I told you I wanted it, didn't I don't freak out about it. I don't regret it."

"You're sure."

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure."

"So... Oh _shit._ You mentioned a girlfriend, didn't you."

" _Mer_ lin. I said it was fine." Arthur reached up and gripped the other man's face. "I would have said 'no,' if I didn't want it. Now lie down and let's bask in this afterglow."

Merlin laughed and then snuggled down against Arthur. "Fine by me."

"Aaand that _does_ mean that we can do it again. Later," Arthur promised.

Nodding against his chest, they fell asleep like that until room service knocked and tried to get in to make the bed.

"We should get moving," Merlin said, as he stretched into the sun streaming through the window.

"Ugh. I need a shower."

Merlin turned and looked at him, a grin spreading his lips. "Sounds like a great idea. If I join you, we'll waste less water."

"Did you _seriously_ just use that line on me?"

Arching an eyebrow and dropping his boxers on the floor, Merlin beckoned and stepped into the bathroom.

Arthur hesitated and then followed for an enjoyable bout of shower sex. Then they were back on the road again towards Nebraska.

By the time they reached Wyoming, Merlin knew all about Arthur's screwed up family, how his father had unreasonable expectations, his ex-girlfriend married his best mate, his best friend had wanted to have him as his best man in the wedding, intimate details of his sister's sordid sex life (which Merlin very much did _not_ need to know), Arthur's overly passionate love for history and war eras, Arthur's fondness for fast cars and using flirtatious means of getting out of speeding tickets (Merlin had to pull over, in stitches, from those stories), Arthur explaining into the ground how much he never knew he was gay and maybe he wasn't gay at all—maybe he was bisexual because he still really liked Gwen, didn't he? And he'd always been kind of jealous of his friend Gwaine's hair, but maybe it had really just been attraction, but in the end it didn't really matter, because every time they stopped for the night, Arthur really, really loved Merlin's cock. And didn't hesitate to tell him so.

It wasn't until they were almost to the Wyoming-Utah border that Arthur maybe realised that he was pretty fond of the guy the cock was attached to as well.

It wasn't until they crossed the border that Arthur realised he didn't know much about Merlin at all.

"I mean... Do you have family? Don't they miss you? Why don't you talk to them? And," Arthur stretched his legs up onto the dashboard, "why do _you_ always drive?"

"Did people back east ever have a problem shutting you up?"

"Not generally. But when you're two people confined to a car, mate, there's no one else to talk to. But seriously."

"Can you drive stick?"

"I think I've learned how _quite_ well, thank you very much."

Merlin laughed. "You shit. That's not what I mean, and I think you know that."

Arthur grinned at him. "Right. Stick shift. That would be a 'no,' but between here and Pennsylvania, I should think there had been plenty of opportunity to teach me."

Merlin only shook his head.

"So what about my other questions? Where's your family? What's your life story? Come on. You've heard all the details of my life. What about yours? Any brothers or sisters?" He looked over at Merlin, whose eyes were carefully on the road. "Where did you start your trip?"

"I started in Florida. Oh look! Here's a Wendy's. You hungry?"

"Wow. That's not even subtle, Merlin."

"What? Well. I'm hungry. You want anything? I'm paying?"

"You're always paying, Merlin. And now you're trying to distract me. But how do you have all this money. Where does it come from? You never go to a bank. You don't have a debit card. You don't have a cell phone. I've never seen you drop letters or postcards in the mail, so you're not writing anyone. What's your story?"

Merlin smiled at him. "You want to fuck me tonight?"

Arthur blinked. "Okay. That's distracting. I might be distracted. I hate you."

"See how quick you can make me moan your name."

Gritting his teeth, he smiled at the lady who took Merlin's money at the Wendy's drive through. "I hate you _so_ much."

"I got you a burger."

"Brilliant."

* * *

And it was. Later that evening. When Arthur was pressing Merlin's form into the mattress, stretched out along his back. Breathing stupid words into his neck that didn't make sense. And Merlin just sighed, trembling beneath him, letting Arthur cling to him like he was the only thing that was keeping him tethered to the ground.

"I'll tell you," Merlin whispered as Arthur was drifting off. "Just not yet. I'm not ready yet..."

* * *

When Arthur woke the next morning, he was pressed up against Merlin's back, arms wrapped around him like he was holding a stuffed animal. Inhaling into the nape of his neck, he smiled and kept his eyes shut, despite the morning sun streaming in through the cheap drapes.

"Morning..." Merlin mumbled.

"How long you been up?" Arthur said, clearing his throat.

"I dunno. Now let me go. You're a furnace."

Arthur pulled back, hurt, but as soon as he rolled over, Merlin had him pinned, and kissed him breathless before rolling out of the bed.

"Get dressed. Let's get on the road. We've got a ways to go yet."

"Where _are_ we going, Merlin?" Arthur asked as he rolled over.

"Arthur, we've been on the road for months and you've never asked?"

He made an effort to shrug. "I guess I didn't think about it. It didn't really matter. I didn't care?"

Merlin laughed as he struggled into his shirt. "We're going to the end."

"That sounds ominous."

"Until we can't drive anymore. That would be the end, right?"

"That would...be the end," Arthur agreed, as he eased out of the bed. "I guess."

Merlin grinned and stuffed his things into his bag before strolling out the door. "Come along, Arthur!"


	2. Chapter 2

The transition from Utah to Nevada was easy and passed Arthur by as he napped. Merlin roused him with a kiss for lunch around. Arthur smiled into it and slid out of the car. He followed after Merlin like a duckling after its mother into a dingy road-side restaurant and a sagging booth.

"I'll have two helpings of bacon next to three eggs over-easy and four pieces of toast. Please," Merlin said cheerfully to the waitress.

She popped her gum and looked at Arthur. Smiled a little. Arthur gave her a quick smile and then dropped his eyes to his menu. "I guess I'll have hot cereal and a side of sausage patties."

"What do you want to drink?"

"Tea for me."

"Do you have orange juice with pulp?" Merlin asked.

"Nope. Just pulpless," she said tonelessly.

"Right. Then, apple juice?" He asked hopefully.

"It'll be right out." She turned and headed back into the kitchen.

"You like pulpy orange juice?"

"If you don't, I don't think we can be friends anymore."

Arthur snorted and tucked into his oatmeal when it came with a curt clack onto the table. "Of course, Merlin." Conversation then went easy through mouthfulls of food, until Merlin gave him that  _look_. So Arthur followed him out after watching him drop the bills on the table. "How is it, Merlin, you have so much money?" He wondered idly. "You always pay in cash. You never say where you get it either."

"Don't worry about it," Merlin responded, dropping himself into the seat of the car. "We all set? Get in, Arthur!"

Arthur sighed. "To California?"

"That'll be the end." Merlin started the car.

"Then what."

"Hm?"

Arthur shrugged. "Then what?"

Merlin shrugged right back and then accelerated into traffic.

"Do you have a plan, Merlin?"

"Arthur. You worry too much."

"I do not! I just... I've never... Well. We're kind of just driving aimlessly," Arthur said casually.

"Isn't that the point?"

Arthur sighed and left it, slouching down in the seat to prop his feet up on the dash. "Alright."

"You'll get your answers, Arthur," Merlin said quietly.

"Aw, Merlin, that wasn't... That wasn't..." He snuck a look at Merlin and then turned his eyes to the road again as awkward silence descended on the car.

Several miles down the road, Merlin finally sighed and pulled over, gripping the steering wheel and staring straight ahead.

"You alright, mate?"

"Arthur. Just... Just stop with the questions for now. Okay. Can... can you do that?"

Arthur sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's fine. But you'll tell me, right?"

"Yeah. Arthur. I'll tell you. Let's just... Let's just let things be. 'kay?" Merlin gave him a weak smile.

"You're one odd bird. You know that?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response." And just like that the awkward silence was gone. Merlin shared weird stories about his own pet bird and Arthur told him about the fish his cousin had unloaded onto him that he kept in his room for two and a half weeks until his father found out and then flushed the silly thing. Arthur was mad about it all over again. Banging his knees, he shouted until Merlin was laughing.

"Wait. Wait stop here!"

"What?" Merlin pulled over to the side, looking around frantically.

"No, relax. It's just... the California sign! We should... I dunno. Take a picture. You know. For posterity's sake?"

Merlin blinked at him. "Um. Okay?"

"Yeah, put the car in park and let's get out and take a photo!" Arthur unbuckled and jumped out of the car. "Come on, Merlin! Come on!"

Merlin laughed and rummaged around in the car for a few minutes before joining Arthur on the hot pavement for several attempts at a photo before Merlin finally grabbed him around the shoulders and held the camera out in front of them. Snapping two pictures, Merlin smiled at him and then stuck the camera in his hand. "Let's go then."

Arthur put his hand over Merlin's on the steering wheel. "Can I drive?"  
"No you can't drive... Do you even have a license?"

"What? Of  _course_  I have a license!"

Merlin laughed, started the car, and pulled into traffic.

Question successfully dodged. Arthur sighed. "Tell me. What was your family like?" He looked over just in time to see Merlin's secret little smile. But soon gave up after Merlin didn't answer him.

Hours down the road: "Warm."

"Turn the air up."

Merlin laughed under his breath. "I meant my family, you numbskull. My mom was the kindest person you could ever meet. One of those tv moms, you know? In those 60s sit-coms. That's what she was like. With cake. And cookies. And hot chocolate when you came home from school. The one that brought your lunch when you forgot it. Was room mom in grade school. Made chicken noodle soup when you were sick. She was that mom. Smothering sometimes." He gave a low laugh. "I hated it when I got into high school. Because she was also  _that_  mom. The one that would drop me off and kiss my cheek. Ruffle my hair. God, I hated it. It was so  _embarrassing_. And she would bring my lunch when I forgot it. Leave little notes in it.  _Still_. Because I was an idiot and forgot it at home. On the counter. And she would cut my crusts off. And stick in jelly beans because they were my favourite. And go a year without new clothes that one time so I could go on the class trip to D.C. She was that kind of mom."

Arthur nodded. "Cool."

Merlin laughed the same laugh again. "Right. Yeah. Real cool."

Arthur felt his shoulders hunch. "Sorry, mate. I ju—"

"Relax, Arthur. Relax. You take everything too personally. Chill the heck out. Geeze, you're so high strung."

"Hey! Sor _ry_! I don't know how to respond to that! My mom's  _dead_ , 'kay? She's dead. I don't know what it's like to have a mom. So yours sounds just peachy. All I've got is a stick-up-his-ass father who expects way too much out of me because his own childhood sucked or some sort of psychological bullshit, and I just... I just... Fuck it. I'm just jealous. 'Kay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's alright." Merlin reached over and put a hand on his thigh.

"And if you think that's supposed to be comforting, you're wrong."

Merlin's hand disappeared.

"It just turns me on."

"Geeze!" He looked at him sharply. "You're a horny bastard, aren't you?"

"Whatever." Arthur folded his arms, scowling out the window at the California lakes and hills.

"We could... Do it in the bathroom at the next restaurant."

"That's dirty."

Merlin leered at him.

"Don't do that; it's creepy and disturbing."

"I think those generally mean the same thing. But it would be fun."

"I don't think 'fun' is the right word."

"Exhilarating then. Don't be picky. You wanna?"

"I might need some convincing."

Merlin laughed. "You're such a prick."

"I can live with that."

So the next restaurant, Merlin pulled over and sucked Arthur off, hand clamped over his mouth so he wouldn't alert the entire establishment what they were doing in the bathroom. That evening, Arthur returned the favour in the hotel.

* * *

They followed 80 all the way to through San Francisco until they met up with Route 1. Then Merlin drove North. North along the coast. Bored of the sight of the ocean, but not allowed to touch, he napped in the passenger seat while Hootie and the Blowfish wound out of the stereo. They'd gotten an early start, but Merlin wouldn't tell him where they were going.

"Are we there yet?" Arthur let his head fall against the window. "Are we there yet?" Then they hit a bump so he moved his head to the side of Merlin's seat. "Are we there yet?"

"Arthur, if you ask me  _one_  more time, I'm going to knock you unconscious until we  _are_  there. Then I'll dump you in the ocean and leave."

"Ass."

Merlin snorted.

"Hey, Inglenook. Can we stop for a potty break?"

"Is this like  _that_  potty break, or just a potty break."

"Just a potty break. I'm bored. Want to stretch my legs."

Merlin shook his head. "We're almost there. You can see the ocean."

"Merlin, I've been able to see the ocean for the past three hours."

"Can't you wait? Piss in the ocean."

He couldn't summon the energy to laugh. "Ehn." But let Merlin drive through Inglenook, such as it was, small town, without pulling over. Turning off Route 1 onto some tiny road, Arthur watched Merlin, his shoulders tensing up. He sighed and shifted so he was half facing Merlin, leaning against the door, rolling the window down.

"Leave it up. It's hot."

"It's California."

"That's not an explanation."

Arthur smiled. "I want to smell the sea air."

"What are you, a child?"

Arthur cocked his head. "Hm."

"What? What does that mean?" Merlin shifted from Arthur's face to the road and back again.

"How old  _are_  you, Merlin?"

"How old are  _you_ , Arthur?"

"I'm twenty-three."

Merlin nodded.

"So?"

"I'm twenty-six."

"Oh."

"Yes. Ask your questions, Arthur," Merlin said, slowing the car as the neared the end of the road.

"Wow... It really is. The end. Wow."

Merlin laughed. But it was hollow. "Of course. I told you, didn't I?"

"Arthur stared at the expanse of sand before them, looking out the window to the ocean. "Let's go swimming."

There was a moment of stillness in the car before Merlin sighed. "I don't understand you, Arthur Pendragon."

"It's fine. Let's go." Arthur pushed open the car door, stripping his shirt off to work off his belt and dumping them in the seat. "I don't have trunks. Naked it is."

Grinning crookedly over the top of the car, he swiftly followed suit, dumping his clothes into the car. "Well. Last one's a rotten egg?"

"I'll win."

Merlin walked around the car slowly, mad grin still on his lips, shoved Arthur so he was off-balance and then sprinted across the sand. He yelped as soon as his feet left the pavement, hopping awkwardly, body all limbs.

Arthur bent over laughing, willing himself to breathe and catch up with the mad man who'd taken him all the way across the country on a whim.

They crashed into the water, much the same as they'd crashed into each other, and Arthur couldn't help the comparison of the waves taking them over just as circumstance had man-handled them into what they currently were. Gasping for air, Arthur found Merlin's eyes on him, wide, hair plastered around his head, skinny white shoulders so stark against the blue sky and water. "Who are you," was rent from his lips and he shook his head and shoved water at Merlin. Which prompted the other man to pounce on him and dunk him under.

* * *

When they were dry and tired, sitting in front of one of Merlin's magical fires started from driftwood and twigs, Arthur finally asked his questions.

"Why don't you have a phone?"

"I don't need to call anyone."

"What about family?"

"They're gone," Merlin answered, tired. Toneless.

"What does that mean?"

"They're dead?"

"Who?"

"My father left when I was very young—too young to remember, and then I recently learned that he died in a fight. A stupid pointless fight. Well. Recent meaning five, almost six, years ago."

"And your mom?"

"Died almost a year ago."

"How?"

"Sick. She was sick. And fell down the stairs. Worried about something. I don't know. I woke and found her there. Crumpled at the bottom of the stairs."

"Shit." Arthur shifted to look at his friend... _lover_ ,... that he hardly knew. "I'm sorry."

"It's not  _your_  fault." Merlin shrugged.

"I just mean..."

"I know what you mean, Arthur. It's fine. I know what you mean, but everyone is always telling me they're  _sorry_. What does that even mean? What does it mean to be  _sorry_  that something terrible has happened to someone." Merlin shrugged again, the gesture angry. "There's nothing to be  _sorry_  for. Someone died. Something bad happened. It sucks. But there's nothing that you, personally, need to be apologising for. So why bother."

Looking out to the ocean, black with depth and distance, Arthur was silent. "Because it makes the person feel better. Not you. But me. My mom's dead too." Arthur shrugged. "Just after childbirth. She couldn't handle it."

Merlin nodded.

"The money...?"

"Inheritance. And the money from the house."

"You're homeless?"

Merlin gave him a wan smile. "I don't need a home."

"No cliché, 'the road is my home'?"

"It has been. But now we're at the end." Merlin shifted, fixing him with a stare. "Why did you come with me, Arthur?"

"I answered that question already."

"Why did you  _stay_  with me?"

Arthur smiled at him. "Someone had to make sure you didn't drive off the road from exhaustion."

"Come on now."

Shifting, Arthur avoiding Merlin's seriousness. Finally, "Where else would I go?"

"If you had wanted to go back, I would have bought you a ticket, Arthur."

"That's why I couldn't."

Merlin shook his head. "Listen, I've really enjoyed your company for this trip, I really have. But..."

"But now you're at the end and you're done with it all?" He couldn't help the bitterness that snuck into his voice.

"No. Now I'm at the end with no idea how to go forward."

It was Arthur's turn to be startled and look searchingly into Merlin's face. "Well, you've got all this money..."

"Yes. From my mom  _and_  uncle."

"Your uncle passed too? I'm sor—um. That's awful..."

"Ha. Yes. Yes it was. But also a relief. He was sick. And forgetting himself. He died two years after we found out about my father. Of course, he and my father had been quite close as children. So... Well. Whatever it is. I inherited both his and my mom's estates."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"What were you doing?"

"Huh?"

"Your job? Did you have one?"

"I did."

"You could go back. What did you do?"

"I worked with product development for a toy company."

"Wow." Arthur smiled at him. "Wow! Really, Merlin?"

"Um... yes?"

"Wow! I can see that. Actually."

"Yeah... That's me..."

"Okay. So... is the job just on hold? Or did you quit?"

Merlin sighed. "It doesn't really matter. I had the job, I took extended leave, and here I am, travelling across the country with a baby gay—"

"Hey!"

"—and now I'm out of ideas. There's no future here, with me, Arthur, so you're better off going back to your old life."

"What...?" He felt the ire he inherited from his father rear its head. "What the hell, Merlin."

Merlin blinked at him.

"Geeze, are you seriously that self-centred?" Arthur stood and paced in a circle. "You take me for a ride, literally, and then just...what. Dump me here? Leave me at the end of the world and then just what. Waltz back to your life?" Arthur snorted. "Man. Fuck you, Merlin. Fuck you."

"What?"

"Don't give me that look. Honestly. Grow some balls, mate, and maybe take a look at what's going on here."

Merlin flushed red, brow furrowing. "Hey! Come on. It's not like you weren't aware of the—"

"The what, Merlin. The situation? Oh. Was that when you shared with me your life the first time I asked? Maybe back in... I dunno.  _Iowa_?"

"That's not fair," Merlin countered, voice low and rumbling.

Arthur had never seen him angry. And if he weren't so angry himself, then maybe it would have been a turn on. But right now it was just self-righteous and proud. "I may not know a whole lot about the whole emotion thing, but I can tell you right now, that you're wrong. If you think that I stayed with you for a lark, then you're wrong. If you think I had sex with you for an experiment, then you're wrong. If you think that I wanted to just come to the end, then you're wrong. If you think—"

"Alright!" Merlin shot to his feet and flung his hands up, spinning away from Arthur so he could see the flush extended down his neck. "So I'm wrong. Whoopee-do! I'm only human."

"Yeah, but you don't  _get_ it."

"Okay then,  _hotshot_ , what am I supposed to be  _getting_? Huh?" He spun.

Arthur stared at Merlin, huffed, and shook his head. "Wow. You're even denser than I thought."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "And what is  _that_  supposed to mean?"

"I like you, dipshit."

"Wow. Classy.  _Real_  classy of you, Arthur. Way to really  _show_  it."

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Arthur stepped back so as not to hit the man.

"I kind of figured that out by the repeat sex," Merlin sneered.

"Yeah, makes me wonder why..."

"Well, me too. I'm not exactly a 'catch.' And you didn't even know you were gay when you signed on here either."

"I'm not gay."

"Right. Right." Merlin threw his hands up again and turned away. "And what was that about not experimenting?"

"Huh? Oh! You idiot. I still like women. I just... I guess I like guys too."

"'Guys' is it?"

"Mer—oh for fucks's sake. This is ridiculous. You're getting mad for all the wrong reasons and getting mad over these stupid little things that don't matter. I'm angry because now that we're here at the end, you just want to drop me, and move on."

"What, you  _want_  to be tied to me?" He met Arthur's gaze.

"Uhh, I thought I kind of implied that by what I was saying."

Merlin dropped his eyes. "I just... I... You shouldn't feel obligated. And I don't want you to tie yourself to me because I'm your first."

"I'm not a—"

"With a guy."

It was Arthur's turn to flush. "Listen... It's not... I mean." He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "I've never spent this much concentrated time with anyone. I had to spend a whole day with my cousin and his two friends and by the end of two hours I wanted to kill them."

"Um. Is that supposed to be encouraging?"

"No—no! It's just... You've gotten on my nerves a couple of times—maybe more than a couple, but it's nothing that I couldn't handle. I didn't want to kill you, is what I'm trying to say. And you put up with me. I didn't... I  _like_  spending time with you. I like it. And I like you, Merlin. Geeze, you're making this so hard."

"I thought you... I dunno. Would maybe want to go back to your life. Not to sound like a clingy leech or something, but I didn't think you'd want to hang around. After. You know. Everything?"

"I don't understand what goes on in your head sometimes, Merlin. I've been telling you this whole trip how screwed up my family is, but you think because...what. Your family is gone that you're like, not fit for society or something? That's a little ridiculous, you have to admit."

"Okay. Fine. Fine, it's a little ridiculous. I just was kind of afraid, I guess, that this would be the end forever, and if I had to end it to save a little...whatever...then I would do it."

"Right. Well, this is entering into the dangerous territory of 'too much feelings,' so I suggest we go back to San Fran and find a hotel where we can shag for a good long while. Does that sound cool with you?"

Merlin looked around, shoved his hands into his pockets and then shrugged a shoulder. "We haven't done it in the driver's seat yet..."

Arthur grinned. "I like the way you think..."

Grinning back, Merlin shuffled over and bumped shoulders with him, heading back towards the car. "So... you gonna call your dad before I get arrested for kidnapping?"

"Nah."

"I hope you're not into prison. Because I can tell you, guys like me would  _not_  do well there, Arthur. In fact, I fully expect you to clear  _everything_  up and then bail me out."

Arthur laughed. "My sister knows I'm fine. Or..." He paused, chagrined. " _Knew..._  until I lost my mo—phone. Cell phone."

"After sex in the car, showers at the hotel, you're calling her to tell her you're fine if you don't want to call your dad."

"Yes, Mom."

Merlin shuddered as he opened the door. "Don't. That's strange and twisted."

"Shit. Sorry..."

"Nah, nah..." Merlin leant back against the frame of the car, pulling his shirt up slowly, a smile spreading his lips as he watched Arthur's eyes follow it. "You just let me take care of you, yeah?"

Arthur bent forward, caging Merlin's body. "Oh yes... I expect it."


End file.
